break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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