In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
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