Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
