Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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