Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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