I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
