I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This is my gift to your gina
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
