your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
