My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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