just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize