my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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