just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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