So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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