My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
BRING THE BAGELS
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
