My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
