If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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