loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize