I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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