I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
