Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
