At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
