He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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