Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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