just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
