I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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