Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
