Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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