Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
