It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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