so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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