First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
this is an emotional support booty call
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
