Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
