he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
