How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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