So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
