I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
