Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
In America we eat man semen.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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