No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
