That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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