that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize