...so i touched it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize