Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
even my farts smell like vagina
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
