i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
