THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
