I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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