It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
