I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
