I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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