Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
