I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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