I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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