Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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