____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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