If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just cut my nipple shaving
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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