Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
