that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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