I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
