porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
