The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize