Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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