Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
