I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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