Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
