I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
