Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
