Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
