Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
