actually, I'm a sock model
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
