K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
