I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
