The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
