i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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