There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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