my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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