allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
