it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
