Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
