Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
