2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
