Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
