i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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