I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
