They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
