Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
