Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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