seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
