Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
