I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
