there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
