I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
