i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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