I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
