you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
