phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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