YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have so many feelings about this burrito
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
