Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
