You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize