It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
