You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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