She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
this is an emotional support booty call
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
