im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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