I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
