The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
