I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
