This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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