its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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