He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
