I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
