With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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