omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
