TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
