My friends, they love my intelligence
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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