she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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