I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
