Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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