you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
