so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
